pizzaface in pittsburgh

Dear Meryl,

There’s a girl in my homeroom biology class that I’m head over heels in love with. The problem is, she’s a social media guru who never even likes my Facebook profile pictures. How can I jazz up my profile pictures in order for her to reciprocate my feelings? I need some major photo editing help in order to transform myself from a pubescent mess into a social media hunk!


Pizzaface in Pittsburgh



Dear Pizzaface,

There are many image alteration tips one can use to simply amp up what your mother gave you. Adobe Photoshop is commonly used in the digital world to perfect what is considered undesirable. With these simple tools, your biology babe’s knees will be knocking in no time.

The clone stamp and patch tools are best used in order to cover up the pepperoni on your pizza face. Think of them as adding another layer of cheese. They simply duplicate pixels from areas of your skin that are clear and overlay them on the desired area or blemish.

Another useful tool in the digital beautification process is the liquify tool. This tool allows your face to be malleable, like dough, enlarging or shrinking features that you would like to alter.

Take all of this with a grain of salt though, Pizzaface. Your biology babe should appreciate you for who you are, regardless of your social media display pictures. Images on the Internet can be a dangerous thing as alteration software is so effective and readily available. That being said though, I gave your display picture a little help in hopes that you may receive some attention. Additionally, learning how to take an effective selfie may also be beneficial.

Best of luck, Pizzaface!


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